so i took a pregnancy test. my ‘vibes’ were 2 weeks late.. not that i feared i’d been careless – no, not in the slightest… more just a confirmation…

about 3 years ago, i hadn’t had my period for over 2 YEARS.  i was THAT underweight. i reclaimed my monthly friend shortly after meeting eben and making a conscious decision to look after myself more, and yes gain a little weight (never hard when you gain a feeder as a boyfriend)… and never looked back – always getting them more or less at the same time every month.

yes, since i’ve joined the ranks of single sisterhood i’ve definitely enjoyed the odd romp here and there- and more recently a more regular gig with a dear sweet friend of mine, with whom i’m not sure what will happen in terms of future prospects… for now i know it is just really important i do things alone . so i told him about it jokingly a few days ago, also mentioning to him re-reassuringly (shame ease the poor bloke’s mind a little) that this tends to happen when i’m under stress too. we both agreed there was no reason to panic as we’d both been so careful every time…i really do care for him a lot, he’d make a great dad and is definitely broody as hell and funnily enough found myself wondering at random times in the day whether if it came down to the point that i was pregnant, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he was the dad. funny how in life we will go through various men wondering whether/certain that they are the One, or will be the father to our children. have you ever found yourself wondering as a child, ‘i wonder how many men will propose to me in my life?’ i think i’m probably a special case though i KNOW for a fact that i have friends who have contemplated that very same notion…

so  back to the pregnancy test. i’ve done them before, just normally i have a boyfriend breathing nervously behind the bathroom door. this time, i had my mother chanting encouragingly from the living area ‘only put it under your stream toward the end!’ God. i am so grateful for my mother.

so i came out to my mom looking out for one or two lines (2 = V.BAD, 1 = YAY! now off with you, you little slut!) … slowly but surely one appeared and STAYed (goddammit!) what a relief.

broke the news to unsuccessful dad shortly after,  to which he responded: ‘Well you didn’t give my little soldiers much of a chance, with only a few marches on the promised land, it was quite a tough ask..hint hint nudge nudge’….

men. gotta love em.


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